I want to understand YOU!
In the earlier editions, we sought to prove that the Qur’aan and Sunnah approach the subject of sexuality in a frank and clear manner, and with this we wanted to ‘break the ice’ for the upcoming sections. Hereon, we will be concentrating more on the practical side of intimacy: mentioning the physiological and emotional differences between men and women, the ways to increase romance, and some basic tips’ on experiencing better intimacy.
However, before we begin, some might question whether we as Muslims are allowed to benefit from Western sources regarding these topics. The response is that our religion encourages us to take wisdom from all peoples and cultures. The Prophet (salallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
“Wisdom is the lost item of the believer - wherever he finds it, he takes it.”
Just as we take from all societies their knowledge of medicine, engineering, and chemistry, so too there is no problem in taking good and beneficial knowledge regarding intimacy from different cultures as well.
In fact, even our Prophet (salallaahu alahyi wa sallam) did so. He said:
“I was about to forbid you from having intercourse with your wives while they are breastfeeding children, but I saw that the Romans and Persians did that and it did not harm their children” (Reported by al-Bukhari).
Therefore, the fact that the Romans and Persians engaged in intimacy while the mother was breastfeeding, and it did not harm the child, was used by our. Prophet to allow intercourse during this time. We mentioned earlier that Allaah has created men and women differently. One of the most pronounced differences between genders when it comes to issues of intimacy is arousal. Each gender has been keyed to respond to different senses. If a couple wishes to maximize feelings of closeness and intimacy. it is essential that each party understands the other’s arousal mechanism.
For men, the primary sense of arousal is physical. Seeing the figure, smelling the aroma, and touching the body of a woman are what arouse a man. When a man’s physical needs are satisfied, he is most likely to reciprocate with emotional responses.
For a woman, on the other hand, the primary sense of arousal is emotional. Feeling loved, appreciated and cared for are the underlying emotional factors that will mostly make the woman love back in return. When a woman’s emotional needs are satisfied, she is more likely to reciprocate with physical responses.
One of the biggest sources of conflict in a marriage is this simple lack of understanding. Women feel used when their husbands take advantage of them physically but ignore their emotional needs. On the other hand, men feel frustrated that their wives are so withdrawn and cold during acts of intimacy, complaining both at the quantity and quality of these acts. Both parties need to give more of what the other party wants, in order to receive back what they themselves desire. A marriage is a give-and-take relationship. It is a two way street. You must give the best of what your partner wants in order to obtain the best of what you wish to receive. Men need to learn to be more sensitive and understanding, and women need to learn to be more physical.
(This piece is a continuation of the seminar on family intimacy by Yasir Qadhi)
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited