At least, four ladies have told me categorically that they cannot marry an alfa. They honestly expressed their feelings in my separate encounters with them. Surprisingly and unanimously, they all bowed for a reason - àwon àáfà má ń ní ju ìyàwó kan lo "the alfas do have more than a wife." After laughing hysterically at their laughable logic, I took time to enlighten them on what they should know about this "incessant memory verse." For this reason comes this composition.
Yes, you might be right that the alfas as you rightly call them, do have more than a wife, but many alfas go for two wives (for instance) for different reasons. I am not here to discuss about the ecclesiastical permissibility of man marrying more than a wife. The major focus of this article is to discuss the logic behind marrying more than a wife these four ladies accused the alfas of professing. Every human has different reasons for doing something we think is bad, but which is not at all.
To start with, let's assume there are one hundred and seventy million people in Nigeria. Out of this figure, there are one hundred million females and seventy million males. Now, seventy million mature ladies out of this figure are in need of men, thus, seriously ready for marriage while only sixty million men are ready for marriage. In this situation, every lady marries a man each. How many ladies do we have left? Five hundred? Oh! Ten million? What should be their fate? Don't forget that they are seriously in need of men to marry. Won't they sneak out to satisfy their sexual urge with those newly married couples? Will they even think of marriage again since some people have been fanning their hot ovens? Yes, they won't even be the men's second wives, but they will surely be their whores. Abi what dignity is in fornication? If you think this is an abstract analogy, you had better carry out in-depth researches, you go know that this truly happens.
"If you are in my shoes, you will know how it pinches, " so goes a Yoruba adage. I have heard different situations where house wives advise their husbands to marry another wife just because most of them are not as stronger as their husbands, in bed. Abi what should a wife whose husband wants four bouts do when she becomes very weak or complains after two bouts? Isn't it logical when she tells her man wholeheartedly to get a second woman who will supplement his strong libido? Oh! You are saying LAILAI, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO ME! Eeya! Those whom it happened to didn't foresee it too, not until they wore the shoes of matrimonial enjoyment. Mind you, the man might not even be an alfa! Don't you still want to marry an alfa?
Last year in my neighborhood, a woman advised his man to marry another wife because of her health. The last child the woman had was through a caesarian section and she was medically advised to halt child bearing because of her fragile and weak body. However, the man still wanted to procreate and the woman knew. Surprisingly, the woman emphatically urged her husband to marry another woman who can give him more children. Isn't it funny to know that the man was never an alfa! What if you were this woman? Would you have killed yourself because of the doctor's advice? Or would you have arranged a concubine for your hubby outside? It is when you cook in the kitchen that you can complain of heat.
Therefore, my sisters, don't be deceived! For one to be an alfa doesn't mean he cannot maintain a polygamous family as being feared by most of you. Don't let someone deceive you with "ojú ayé" and later becomes an "ekùn jegun jeran" of anything under the skirt. Don't fall into the hands of prey just because you don't want to marry an alfa that loves you sincerely, honestly and purely. Wallaahi, an alfa that understands the nitty-gritty of his Deen, that understands his Creator, that do things with wisdom and preaches what he says should always be your wish, dear sisters. Enough of "sojí bòbó" who deceives you with three-bedroom flats, new cars, big supermarkets and the 'bobos' of life after he marries you! Living a happy marital life with that alfa you don wanna marry is better and brighter than that swagger bòbó who brings in various àyóngé babes into your other room in your absence. He marries you, but has many children outside, unknown to you. Will you pray for his corpse if two more women come to claim for their rights immediately after the demise of your " one and only?" ÒRÒ SÙNÙKÙN...!
Mo wí tèmi o!
(c) Olansile Ajetunmobi Umar (OAU)