I am a young man and I do not want to get married. Many marriages I see around me do not seem to be functioning well. What should I do?
Praise be to Allaah. You should note that people are not all the same when it comes to marriage. The basic principle that marriage, which was the way of the Prophet (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam), is prescribed, applies to all people, but it may be more important in the case of some people than others. Ibn Qudaamah (RAH) said: "
With regard to marriage, people are of three types:
1 - Some fear that they may fall into haraam things if they do not get married. Such a person has to get married, according to the majority of. fuqaha[scholars], because he has to keep himself chaste and protect himself against doing haraam things, and the way to do that is getting married.
2 - For some it is mustahabb. This is the one who feels desire but there is no danger of his falling into haraam. It is better for him to get married than to devote himself to naafil acts of worship. This is the view of ashaab al-ray [People of Opinion] and it is the view of the Sahaabah (RA). Ibn Masood (RA) said: "If I only had ten days to live and I knew that I would die at the end of them, and I had any desire to get married, I would get married, for fear of fitnah (temptation). It was narrated that Saeed ibn Jubayr said: Ibn Abbaas (RA) said to me: "Have you gotten married?" I said: "No." He said: "Get married, for the best of this ummah are the ones with the most wives." (Bukhaari). Ibraaheem ibn Maysarah said: Tawoos said to me "Either get married, or I will say to you what Umar said to Abul- Zawaaid: Nothing is keeping you from getting married except impotence or immorality."
3 - Those who have no desire, either because they were not created with any desire, such as one who is impotent, or they had desire but it has disappeared due to old age, sickness and so on.
There are two opinions:
(i) It is mustahabb to get married because of the general meaning of what we have discussed.
(ii) Remaining single is better for him because he cannot achieve the purpose of marriage, and he would be preventing his wife from becoming chaste by marrying someone else. And he would be harming her by keeping her for himself, and he is exposing himself to obligations and duties that perhaps he cannot fulfil, and he is distracting himself from seeking knowledge and worship with something that is of no benefit to him. Ibn Qudaamah (RA) said: The apparent meaning of the words of Ahmad is that there is no difference between the one who can afford it and the one who cannot. He said: a man should get married and if he can afford to spend he should spend, and if he cannot then he should be patient. This applies to one who is able to get married. As for the one who cannot, Allaah says: "And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allaah enriches them of His Bounty" (al-Noor 24:33]. [al- Mughni (9/341-344)]. Why dont you want to get married? As this point we would like to ask you about the reason for this aversion to marriage. If you think that not getting married is an act of worship by means of which you can draw closer to the Lord of the Worlds, and you think that if you avoid marriage this will raise you in status before Allaah, you are mistaken and .there is the fear that you may be sinning. It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (RA)said: "Three people came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam) asking about the worship of . he Prophet (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam). When they were told, it was as if they regarded it as too little. They said: Who are wein comparison to the Prophet (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam)? Allaah has forgiven his past and future sins. One of them said: As for me, I will pray all night forever. Another said: I shall fast all my life and never break my fast. Another said: I shall keep away from women and never get married. The Messenger of Allaah (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam) come and said: "Are you the ones who said such and such? By Allaah, I am the one who fears Allaah the most among you and I am the most pious, but I fast and I break my fast, I pray and I sleep, and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me." (Bukhaari).
No Money or no sexual desires?
If you do not want to get married because you have no sexual desire, or you think that you are not able to fulfil the duties of marriage, and you are afraid of falling short in meeting a wifes needs, I say to you: In that case there is no sin on you if you do not get married, but do not rely on your thoughts and notions. Rather you should consult a specialist doctor and ask him for advice, for he is most able to diagnose your condition, and he may have some advice for treatment that has never crossed your mind. If you say that you are afraid of being poor, and you do not have enough wealth to look after a family, I say to you: Try your best to earn a living and be content and think positively of Allaah, for He has promised on the lips of His Prophet (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam)that He will help the one who wants to be chaste and seeks that which is halaal by getting married. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (RA) said: The Messenger of AIIaah (sallaallahu a/ayhi wa sallam) said: "There are three whom Allaah is bound to help: the mujaahid who strives (in jihad) for the sake of Allaah, the mukaatib (a slave who has made a contract of manumission with his master) who wants to pay off his manumission, and a man who gets married, seeking to remain chaste." (Saheehal-Tirmidhi). Never A Barrier If you have something that you want to achieve - such as a certificate, a position, a project and so on - and you say that you want to achieve that first, then you win ,get married, we say to .you: Why are you ignoring marriage for that reason? Marriage has never been a barrier to achieving things, rather in most cases it is a support and a help. That is just the whisperings of the Shaytaan, which he has instilled in the minds of many young men so that it has become prevalent in our culture and society. Shaykh Ibn Baaz (RAH)said in Majmooal-Fataawa (20/421): "What is required is to hasten to get married, and "no young man or young woman should delay marriage for the sake of studies, because marriage, does not prevent any such thing. It is possible for a young man to get married in order to protect his religious commitment and morals, and enable him to lower his gaze.
Marriage serves many purposes, especially in this day and age. Because delaying it is harmful for both young women and young men, every young man and every young woman should hasten to get married if there is a man who is compatible with the woman, and if a man can find the right woman". Half Of Your Religion And over and above all that, how about if you realize that marriage will protect half of your religion? It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik (RA)that the Messenger of Allaah (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "Whomever Allaah has blessed with a righteous wife, He has helped him with half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half. (Saheeh al-Targheeb). How about if you realise that by getting married, you will, have followed the advice of the Messenger of Allaah (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam) when he said: "O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding ones chastity. "(Muslim). How about if you realize that by producing a righteous child you will have ongoing charity (sadaqah jaariyah), if you raise him with good morals and faith, and you will be rewarded for your marriage if you seek reward with Allaah for that.
By getting married, you will be protecting yourself, lowering your gaze, and closing the door to one of the greatest means by which the Shaytaan deceives people. You may not feel the seriousness of that now, but fitnah may come from places a person does not realize, so you should be keen to close the door before it is opened without you realizing it. The Prophet (sallaallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "I have not left behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women." (Bukhaari). Tranquility & Peace Marriage is a source of tranquillity and peace, and it is the best of the pleasures of this world. In it is that which Allaah has made a sign for His slaves, and He has mentioned it in His Book so that they may think and ponder the greatness of His might, may He be glorified and exalted. Allaah says:"And among His Signs is this; that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect" (Q30[al-Room]:21).
Can there be any hesitation after this?
Be resolved and put your trust in Allaah, and Allaah will help you, and wiII provide you with a righteous wife who will help you to obey your Lord and He will bless you with righteous offspring who will be a stored treasure for you with Allaah in the Hereafter.
And Allaah knows best.
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited