As parents, one of our biggest desires is for our sons and daughters to understand our thoughts, ideas and wishes and then act on them. Whether at home or in public, we want our children to listen yes, truly listen to us. But let's face it: There are many times when that just doesn't happen. I hear this from parents all over the world who say their child "isn't listening when I talk to them." When it comes to our child really hearing us and acting on our words - somehow, there's a gap in communication.
We say the words, but between the words and the hearing, the message just doesn't seem to get through. When we miss the connection," it's frustrating. When our child "doesn't listen, and we have to repeat ourselves over and over, life is anything but happy! consistently use these three methods of connection with your child, your child will, insha Allah, listen to you more - and do what you say. Youll be able to connect, to understand each other, and move forward in the same direction together.
The First Secret
"Name, Eyes, and then Talk" Here's the first "secret" - the first practical tip - to make sure your child really hears what you say. Are you ready? It's simple. Here it is. AIways begin communicating with your child by following the same three steps: Say your child's name, make eye contact with your child, and then talk. That's it. We must have our child's attention in order to connect with his or her mind. The first step that's absolutely necessary to connection isn't complicated; we just need to get into the habit of following the same three steps each and every time. Say your child's name. Wait for your child's full, sustained eye contact.
If eye contact doesn't happen, then go to your child. Gently and with love, take his or her face in your hands, say your child's name again, and place yourself directly in your child's line of vision. If your child looks away from your eyes, simply say, "Please look at my eyes." When your child's eyes meet yours, sincerely give your child a smile and positive facial expression.
Then talk. If your child is older, place yourself in front of your child. In love, put your arm around your teen or touch your pre-teen's shoulder. Lift your eyebrows and calmly but purposefully put a smile in your eyes (dont fake it, they can spot a fake faster than you can say. Yeah, right!"). You might also say,"Please look at my eyes." As the parent, YOU make the effort to get and maintain eye contact. It's vital that you maintain eye contact. If the child "breaks away" from your eye contact, stop what you're saying. Gently get that eye contact flowing back and forth between the two of you again, and continue to say what you have to say only when your son's or daughter's eye contact is steady.
The Role of Touch
Especially for a younger child, gently touching your child's face can be very helpful in getting him or her to connect with your words. If done correctly, touching the face can be a natural, non-threatening way to emphasize words that are important to be heard. Using "Name, Eyes, and then Talk" teaches your son or daughter to respond right away in a listening mode with his or her eyes. Think about it: The eyes and eye contact is a vital part of clear communication within our society and in many places throughout the world. Eye contact conveys a number of great things to the person who is speaking, including interest, attentiveness, respect, and trust.
Not only that, teachers, job recruiters, bosses, and, yes, husbands and wives will tell you that eye contact is essential for success in school, job, and adult interaction in general. Teaching our children the valuable skill of eye contact is not a luxury; it's a necessity. If you want your child to listen to you and truly hear what you're saying, then consistently use "Name, Eyes, and then Talk." All communication and connection begins with focusing our eyes and attention on each other, right from the start.
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited