Calm down, you students of knowledge, do not rush into marriage!

Years after years, he’s still single. Why? Because he’s busy researching about the pious spouse. He asks his mother, sister, and then his aunt to get him one. But to no avail. Now, he’s tired of asking. Frustrated, he says: marry for me the closest lady to halaal. Perhaps, I’m gonna be rescued from dholaal (going astray)!

Yeah! She’s still single. Why? Because she doesn’t want just any man but the pious man. Haa… She may soon be out of season! Her sisters and cousins are married. Yet, she still rejects marriage proposal! Her families keep warning her “You will soon miss the train. Stop being stubborn… Till when are you gonna wait? 

By Allah, verily, the heart aches when a pious, chaste, obedient muslimah, rather, a student of knowledge is seen walking beside her husband, whose attributes are far away from obedience to his Lord, who follows not the teachings of Muhammad sallAllaahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam. Indeed, the eye weeps when a pious Muslim, an adherent to the Sunnah in all ramifications is seen married to a lady who desires nothing but flaunting her beauty for the entire world!

You will feel like crying when you see a very passionate student of knowledge, with noble character and sagacity, after he has married, his situation just changed for worse. He has changed phase like a stone of salt dissolves in water. And when you inquired “Why?” You realised it is because he married not the pious but only the beautiful lady or that she married not the pious but the wealthy guy, with outstanding job.

Here is a summary of what his life looks like after he married his faithless wife:

Whenever he says the Qur’an says, she whines. Then, she begins to look in contempt and disdain everyone who holds on to the Book of Allah. Whenever he plans to do ‘itikaf, she insists he must accompany her to the markets, buy her the most gorgeous clothes and take her on outings to eateries and parks. And when he says “Let’s go to circle of learning”, she says: “No! Let’s go on picnic.” If he gives charity, she says “that’s too much! If he ties the bond of kinship, she accuses him of extremism. If he gives her something, she’s never satisfied. If he counsels her, she proves stubborn. In conversation with him, she backbites another lady and praises another guy and when he says: “Fear Allah!” She yells at him like a thunder! Why are you so strict like this? One cannot even talk to you! Every time, it’s either you are busy with your books or you’re giving me an admonition… [Ha baa!!]

As for his children, of course, she nurtured them. So, do not bother to ask me who or what they are. Her concern is nothing but shopping. Yeah, her hobby is partying with friends and neighbours. Faqot! She wastes ample years of your life on quarrel or argument! Nothing of knowledge you gained, nothing a wife you corrected!

Worse is the case of the poor female student of knowledge who chooses an unfaithful guy as husband. He wastes her religion and knowledge with the words “only if”. He says: “Only if you can watch this season film with me. Only if you can wear another gown different from this ‘all-encompassing’ gown. Only if you can dress like that artiste…only if you can reduce your hijab…only if we can enjoy this music together…only if…he continues to ruin her life with only if, only if…!

O you students of knowledge, males and females, I call on you. Wouldn’t you look before you leap into the world of marriage? Truly we see some men complaining: “we can’t find pious ladies.” Same way, some women are grumbling, they can’t find pious guys! Yaa subhaanAllaah! Is the world now empty of pious men and women?

Nay, by Allah, the ummah of Muhammad sallAllaahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam will never cease to be of goodness and piety! So, what is the root of the problem? Listen. The problem is you have been paddling a canoe on the land. Let me ask you: “where have you gone to look for a pious spouse?” Parties, cinemas, clubs…nay, nay, nay!

By Allah, I remember when one of my relatives who memorised Qur’an was about to get half of his Deen, her mother then started looking for a wife for him at ceremonial parties, clubs etc. May Allah safeguard us. Ameen.

My beloved brothers and sisters, who are looking for pious spouses, look for them at circles of learning, gatherings of knowledge. Find out from your colleagues with whom you attend those places together. Ask about her from among the mu’takifaat in mosques. Let your sister visit those places and find out for you.

Originally written in Arabic but closely translated by Abdulquadri Alaka. May Allah make it beneficial for all. Ameen.

 

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