A considerable number of marriage disputes that eventually ended in divorce stemmed from in-laws problems particularly the parents and parent-in-laws. The following steps below are ways to avoid some of the problems between you and your married children or children-in-law.
"Remember no one (spouse, for instance) can take your place in your children's life. Stay out of your adult children's disputes if they have nothing to do with you. Be fair in your treatment of your children-in-Iaw.
"Allow your child and their spouse time and space to develop a strong, loving marriage. Give them time to develop a mutual understanding and respect. Never issue an ultimatum of "us or them".
"Chidren-in-Iaw have their own personality and philosophy of life. Do not try to mould them according to your vision. Stay clear of their quarrels. Encourage them to work it out among themselves. "Keep a cordial and polite relationship with your children and children-in-Iaw. Remember that respect is earned not demanded.
Pay compliments and be kind and gentle in your counsel. "Do not compare your daughter-in-law and son-in-law to your friends' children-in-Iaw.
"Telling tales is unislamic. Do not discuss your children's marriage with friends and relatives. "Encourage the young couple to socialize independently of your circle of friends. Do not be expect to be invited to every party your children plan. Acquire interests of your own so you don't rely on your kids completely for social and emotional fulfillment.
Invite them to family gatherings but don't make an issue if they are previously engaged. "Make suggestions, but let them choose name for babies. Let them parent as they see fit. If you have serious concern, approach them tenderly without being critical.
"Do not interfere with your child's relationship with his or her in-laws. If your child or child-in-Iaw ignore your counsel on personal matters, do not take. it personally or sulk. They will learn from their mistakes.
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited