A distinguishing feature of a man of Taqwa is that he understands the responsibilities Allah has placed upon him in respect to all the members of his family and he promptly discharges them as best as he can. The Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "The best of you is he who is best to his family. .. " (Tirmidhi).
RESPONSIBILITIES TO PARENTS
The first responsibility of the man of piety is birr al walidayn (kindness to parents). A true Muslim man understands the position which Allah has accorded the parents which is just next to Him in importance: "Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents " (Q17[aI-Isra]:23-24).
Thus there is a strong connection between worshipping Allah and treating parents with kindness and respect. Here are some of the key responsibilities of the man of taqwa to his parents: Obedience: He obeys them as best as he could. Allah has placed obedience to parents next to faith in Him as He has placed disobedience to them next to shirk in the gravity of sins in Islam.
Abu Bakrah Nufay ibn aI-Harith (RA) said: "The Messenger of Allah asked us three times, Shall I tell you the greatest sins? We said, Yes 0 Messenger of Allah. He said: Associating partners with Allah and disobeying ones parents." (Agreed Upon). This obedience is sacrosanct as long as no disobedience to Allah is involved.
At Their Beck and Call: He should answer his parents call at all times. Even when he is observing any Nawaaffil prayers and anyone or both parents call him, he should break the prayer to answer their call.
Do not also go for programmes when they are in dire need of your service and attention: Once a man came and asked the Messenger of Allah for permission to participate in jihaad. He asked him Are your parents alive? He said Yes, so the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) told him: "So perform jihaad by taking care of them" (Bukhari)
Kindness & Respect: The man of taqwa shows them utmost respect, greets them warmly with honour when they enter upon him. Aisha (RA) reported that: "Whenever Fatimah (RA) came in to room, the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) would stand up, welcome her, kiss her and offer her his seat, and whenever he came into the room, she would stand up, take his hand, welcome him, kiss him and offer him her seat." (Bukhari) He also lowers his voice out of politeness when he speaks to them, is humble towards them, never lets harsh or hurtful words cross his tongue, and never treats them in a disrespectful manner no matter the circumstances.
Gentleness in Correction: Correct them when they err particularly in their understanding and practice of Islaam. But do so in the most gentle and kind manner. Never condemn them but try to convince them with solid proof, sound logic and wise words, until they turn to the truth. Abu Hurayrah (RA) invited his unbeliever mother to Islaam but she replied with abuses. Even though Abu Hurayrah was unhappy, yet he did not lose his head in anger but headed straight for the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) who prayed that Allaah changed her mind. When Abu Hurayrah (RA) got back home, the mother had accepted Islaam. (Muslim) Special Regard for Mother Islaam has accorded a special place to the mother. This is what Allaah says: "And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in two years was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: to Me is (your final) Goal." (Q31 [Luqman]: 14). Men of taqwa among the pious predecessors understood this dearly lbn Abbas (RA)said: "I know of no other deed that brings people closer to Allah than kind treatment and respect towards ones mother." (Bukhari)
Your wealth is for your father: The man of taqwa does not find it difficult to spend his earnings on his parents. No material support should be deemed too great to give the parents. A man came to the Rasul (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) and said 0 Messenger of Allaah, I have wealth and children, and my father wants to take all of my wealth. The Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "You and your wealth are for your father." (Ahmad)
Kindness and Respect to their friends: Part of the debt a man of taqwa owes his parents is extending kindness to their close friends. Ibn Umar reported that the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "One of the best kinds of goodness (birr) is that a man should keep in touch with his father’s friends even their his father has passed away ." (Muslim)
RESPONSIBILITIES TO WIFE: The man of taqwa finds the best comfort he could get for himself when he sets up a family of his own. Rasulullah (salallahu alayhi wa salaam) said: "This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman. "(Muslim) When he finds the woman that he is pleased with, he follows the Islamic provision in marriage. He neither steals out shows with her nor samples other women at random: He also makes it clear from the onset that his shall be an Islamic marriage and not a cultural one Firmly but sensibly rejecting all cultural practices that go contrary to the spirit of Islaam.
Qawwaam: Having qawwaam (authority) over the wife comes with responsibilities: maintaining and protecting her. Maintaining her by feeding her when and with what you eat and could reasonably afford Keeping her in a reasonable home that provides for her comfort and well being with access to basic conveniences. Muawiyah al-Qushayri (RA) asked the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) "what is the right of the wife of one of us over him?" He replied: "That you should give her food when you eat. clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not strike her on the face. do not revile her or separate yourself from her except in the house ." (Abu Dawud)
Irshaad (Guidance): Aside from material provision, the man of taqwa is responsible for his wifes adherence to the Islamic teachings regarding her acts of, worship her salaat, her going out, and the use of hijjab. The day when a husband lets his wife or his environment take over and dispenses with this Islamic ruling without being able to stand up to them, is the day he waves good-bye to both his religion and his manhood. It is up to him to lead her to Paradise and save her from Hell. "O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is men and stone , over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe ...(Q66[Tahrim]:6) .
Kindness: The best in taqwa amongst men is the one who shows the most kindness to his wife. The Rasu said: "The believer who has the most perfect faith is the one whose behaviour is best, and the best of you are the ones who are best to their women." (Tirmidhi)
Marriage in Islam transcends mere emotional whims and rises above the pressures of crazy animal urges: The man of taqwa possesses enough Chivalry, nobility, courtesy, patience, generosity and strength of character to make him rise above any dislike of his wife in his dealings with her.
Home Coming: Owing to his roaring emotions, when a man come’s home, members of his family scamper into their rooms. He carries his bad day at work right into his home and gives everybody a bad night. A man of taqwa is not like this. When he comes home, he does not bark out: "Open this door right now!" but follows the Rasuls (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) advice to Anas (RA) on pleasant homecoming: "0 my son, when you go home greet your family with salaam will be a blessing for you and your family." (Tirmidhi) )
The Balancing Act: The man of taqwa strikes a balance between his work, worship and his wife not allowing one to suffer for another. He does not let his study, work hobbies or friends take up all of his time and keep him away from her. He does not keep up worship when he his supposed to give her attention. Only a man of taqwa achieves this equilibrium he also balances the act between his new his new family (his) wives and children)and his old family (his parents and siblings). Both relationship must be protected, and strengthened. Neither must suffer for the other.
TO HIS CHILD
Our children are our hearts, walking among us on the face of the earth, even if a little breeze touches them, we cannot sleep for worrying about them. The man of taqwa worries about the well-being of his children both in this world and the Hereafter. Thus he makes conscientious effort to ensure their well-being ..
Tarbiyyah: The home is the first environment in the character formation of the children. It is the major environment in which their inclinations, attitudes and personalities are formed. Thus the man of taqwa ensures they are brought up with the fear and obedience to Allaah as best as he could. He teaches them Islamic etiquettes in the home and gives them sound Islamic education. He also takes steps. to shut away from his children all negative influences music, corruptive programmes on TV and bad friends. (See Vol.6N02).
Gentleness: Rather than have them obey him out of fear, the man of taqwa endears himself to his children, shows kindness and love such that they obey him based on love, respect and trust. Such attitude grooms confident, positive and optimistic children One day a Bedouin carne and asked the Prophet, (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) "Do you kiss your son? We do not." The Rasul (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "What can I do for you if Allaah has removed mercy from your heart?" (Bukhari) He spends on them without over indulgence: The man of taqwa is content with denying himself some of lifes pleasures for the sake of his children. This in itself is additional boon for him for Rasulullah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "The best money a man can spend his money he spends on his children, money he spends on his mount for the purpose of jihad and money he spends 0n friends for the sake of Allah" (Muslim). The man of taqwa cannot abandon his children and leave them in poverty and misery. The Rasul (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said; "It is sin enough for a man to forsake those who are under his care."(Muslim)
He treats all children equally: One of the elements of wise upbringing is for the parents to treat all their children equally whether male or female. The tendency is for men to prefer boys to girls but a man of taqwa remembers the Rasul's (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) words: "Whoever has three daughters, and is patient with them gives them food and drink, and clothes them from his earnings. they will be for him a shield against the Fire of the Day of Resurrection." (Ahmad). Thus he does not favour one over the others in any way. The child who feels that he is treated fairly and that he and his brothers are equal, will grow up with: healthy self-esteem, free of inferiority complex, will love and not hate, will be content and not be jealousy and he tolerant, kind and" caring towards others. , These responsibilities cannot be possibly fulfilled unless the man is a successful leader of his family. Are you?
NEITHER PROUD NOR ARROGANT
The Prophet(salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "On the Day Judgment the dearest and closest to me, as regards my company will be those persons who will bear the best moral character. Those among you, who talk with affectation and are given to boasting, will be the most repugnant to meet me and farthest from me on the Day of, judgment. The companion submitted : O Messenger of Allah! What is meant by the word "Mutafayiqun"? The prophet said: Those given to boasting." [Tirmidhi]
GOOD ATTITUDE: Nothing weighs more heavily on the balance of believing servant on the Day of Resurrection Day than a good attitude (towards others). Verily Allah hates those who utter vile words and obscene speech." (Tirmidhi)
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited