The atmosphere was enwrapped by the merriment of the day. Everyone was enjoying the nicest excitement, germinating from the funeral of the old woman who had departed to join her ancestors in heaven. It was Chief (Mrs) M.O Olubodun, the mother of Chief Alaska, who just passed away. Chief Alaska had invited all his friends, relatives and lovers from the nook and cranny of the country. Of course, he was a popular and rich business man in the country.
The funeral was slated to hold for complete three days. A day had been successfully spent, and people had to lodge in hotels that had already been booked for them by the son of the deceased; though the hotels were very close to the venue of the funeral. The people needed to rest for the day, since the entirety of the first day programmes were almost ended.
Suddenly, a sound emanated inquisitively and in a strong anticipation of response, "Mr Jide, come and help me with your car to convey my guests from Port Harcourt, Madam Chukuemeka and her companions to the nearest booked hotel for lodging," it was Chief Alaska, requesting Mr Jide to do so. Mr Jide thus walked enthusiastically to the guests in a bid to positively respond to his bosom friend’s request, but he firstly demanded the guests to spare him some minutes so that he could completely watch the music show being performed by a popular musician who came from his home town, though he was just about 2mins to be done with his show.
In not up to a minute Mr Jide temporarily excused the guests. An angry and loud voice erupted from their side, saying "you can't be delaying us, come and drive us to our destination, I beg," it was Elizabeth, a freshly light in completion lady with a dainty face and fastidious tooth, who also accompanied madam Chukuemeka to the funeral ceremony.
Mr Jide provocative mood at that spot could be easily glimpsed at by everybody present in the occasion. In fact, by merely seeing his face, it was obvious. But after all, it was his loyal friend who had requested such a help from him not the guests themselves, if not, he would have left them aggressively and driven away his car. Because, Mr Jide was not that tolerant in accommodating abuse or insult.
However, as if it was a conspiracy theory of abuse and insult that must be executed on Mr Jide, Mrs Chukuemeka and her companions intensively flogged Mr Jide with the canes of abuse and insult, when they later took Mr Jide's ride to the hotel. "If not because of my bosom friend that had begged me to give you people a ride, I wouldn't have found myself in the arena of this fuddy duddy," Mr Jide had silently whispered to himself.
It was early morning of the second day but it was still dark, when the big Tecno Camon X phone of Mr Jide started ringing. It was his friend calling him, Chief Alaska. "Hello, Chief Jide, how was your night? Please, I want you to come around and help me pick up my guests from Port Harcourt with your car. They have called me on phone that they are ready already." Chief Alaska said. "I have always told you not to call me Chief Jide again, I am Mr Jide guy, or do I have money as you do? (They both laughed). That's by the way. As for your guests, I'm going somewhere and I also have other things to do, sorry I don't think I can pick them up with my car," Mr Jide responded.
However, Mr Jide's response was shocking to Chief Alaska, as he had never been denied of any request for help by his friend, ever since they had begun their friendship, almost 15years ago. Although, Chief Alaska was not aware of the brouhaha that had happened to him from the guests.
"Hello, Chief Alaska, I am coming now to pick them up, give me ten minutes," Mr Jide called his friend. He had ruminated about the closeness of their friendship, which they wouldn't accept strangers to severe it. Mr Jide with immediate alacrity squeezed himself into his car and drove dexterously down to "Channel 8 hotel and suit" where Madam Chukuemeka and her companions had lodged.
As though it was second half of a football match, all of them began rubbing Mr Jide's face again with abusive and offensive words, which was still consequent upon his one minute delay the previous day. Having felt dejected and dumbfounded with the abuse, Mr Jide decided to be doing something else with his brain and ignored the "fuddy-duddy" as he called them, he thus started imagining the beauty of a lady like Elizabeth but being so aggressive and rude as that. After all, Mr Jide was older than the young lady in a multiplication of two of her age.
After about five minutes, there was an absolute silence in the car, Mr Jide had successfully started visualizing Elizabeth in his vision, ruminating on how sweetly and romantic she would be, judging from her cute and sexy dressing. "Negligence of her non-respectful mode of utterance, this girl must be sexually romantic and gorgeously active," Mr Jide thought eagerly in his mind.
They all arrived back to venue of the funeral. After a short while, Elizabeth noticed her wallet was missing and perhaps she had left it inside the car that brought them back to the venue. She haphazardly ran to Mr Jide and said, "Hello uncle, please can you help me with the key of your boss car, I mean the one you used to covey us this morning. I left my wallet inside it"
Mr Jide was extremely glad as he heard this from her, which made him to discover the reason behind the series of pervasive words of abuse the lady and others have thrown at him. "Chief Alaska is not my boss, he is a bosom friend of mine. And besides, that is my private car, it doesn't belong to anybody else than myself," Mr Jide had said elatedly in response to the lady's misconception.
The motor was a neat fairly used latest Ferrari. Mr Jide walked towards his car and opened the door for her while she later saw her wallet. That was the beginning of the great one chance for Mr Jide to express his troubled mind to the wholesome lady. Then, the entire process of asking out began!
The three day funeral had elapsed and it was an early morning of the fourth day, all guests had to depart for their respective destinations. But, it would be in the sole interest of Chief Alaska to see someone to convey Madam Chukuemeka and her companions back to Port Harcourt from Lagos State where the programme actually took place.
"Chief Alaska, don't worry, I will take the guests down to Port Harcourt once they are ready to leave," Mr Jide said in delight and promising mood. Chief Alaska was stunned by his friend promise, wondering why and when his friend had suddenly become so generous like Jesus Christ. But, he didn't ponder over it too much, he only subscribed to the fact that nobody is immune from contrasting the disease of a change.
Mr Jide excitedly drove the guests back to Port Harcourt which gave him the expected luxury of time to completely double up his "parol" with the pretty lady. Behold, before they got to Port Harcourt, the beautiful lady had fallen in love with him already! However, by the virtue of personality, Mr Jide was also a famous and rich business man in Lagos, who sold cars and electronics, but already married to a wife with three children.
Without any apathy, phone conversation had been switched on between both sides, including midnight calling. Although secretly for Mr Jide because his wife must not know. "Let me just chop this girl and waka jare, all these callings I dey call am don tire me, he should come and visit me for Lag jare, so that I can be able to log in inside her lagoon," Mr Jide said to himself one midnight before calling Elizabeth. He had always persuaded Elizabeth to come and visit him in Lagos but all his efforts were in vain, as she had always told him that he should rather be the one to come and visit her in Port Harcourt.
Luckily for Chief Jide (as his friend always call him), someone ordered a car from his store to be delivered to Port Harcourt the following day. "Wow! This is a great opportunity to branch this lady's house, who has always wanted me to come and pay her a visit rather than coming herself to Lagos," Mr Jide thought in silence. He therefore put a call through to Elizabeth, informing her of his urgent visit to Port Harcourt the next day. Elizabeth was also happy, which made her to rush down to her aged parents to inform them about the visitation of her fiancé to them in the following day.
However, being the culture and tradition of "Eruegbegbe family" where Elizabeth came from, whoever wished to marry their daughter must take an oath by using local alcohol and coconut, which must be purchased by the husband. Thereafter, it would be spiritually binding on both couples, and the process must be conducted by the father of the wife in their extremely local language incantation. Elizabeth thus called Mr Jide on phone to come along with local alcohol and coconut.
"Alcohol and coconut? What do you mean by this?" Mr Jide asked Elizabeth in bewilderment. "It's is my old father that needed it, since that is what he likes," Elizabeth defended her request. "Once I give it to him, he won't disturb us any longer." Mr Jide came with local alcohol and coconut and they both went to the old father.
The old man greeted Mr Jide in excitement and enthusiasm of having him as his in-law. Papa Chukudume, Elizabeth’s father, therefore commanded Mr Jide to bow down his head for the spiritual oath. Mr Jide was absolutely confused, but since he was assured by Elizabeth that after the visit to his old father and mother, Mama Elumelu, they would both return back to the city hotel for absolute relaxation. Mr Jide allowed the parents to perform all their drama before they both left.
After that, they went to "Recreation hotel" located at the main town of Port Harcourt. Absentminded of what the old father had done to him previously but preoccupied by the imagination of the love race tonight, Mr Jide was eager. Behold, the love journey that night was gallantly gorgeous with several unimaginable styles.
After that day, Mr Jide arrived back to Lagos and never called Elizabeth for months nor attempted to visit her; not even sending her an ordinary a text. After all, "I extremely enjoyed that lady, in fact she was hot," Chief Jide said after he arrived back to Lagos..
Then, after a few months that Mr Jide had left Elizabeth without looking back at her preconceived wife, she went to complain to her old father, and urged him to invoke the god of "Eruegbegbe" family on Mr Jide, so that it could fight back in her defence, because he had cheated her. Papa Chukuedume, ordered the small god to put destruction on all the property of Mr Jide and make him penurious.
For several months, things didn't go well for Mr Jide, as it was either loss in business today, snatching of imported cars tomorrow by armed robbers or even sickness of his son or daughter. He had toiled tirelessly within two years with concurrent loss of lives and property such that he had even become a beggar from his bosom friend Chief Alaska, who couldn't just relate himself with the root of infliction of his friend. However, after ten years of several life trials and tribulations, Mr Jide finally had a toughest dream of truth and renaissance where he saw the origin of his whole predicament as the Elizabeth brouhaha, and he couldn't but remember that not only a one corner luxury but even he had entered one chance with Elizabeth.
Moral lesson: Allah has forbidden Zina (adultery and fornication) because it brings nothing but misery and afflictions. He says in Surah Al-Isra, Q17: 32 “And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.”
Bello Abdulrahmon aka Farmer